It's Hard to Be Married to a Celebrity Look-Alike

It started with my Mom. Many years ago, when Andy and I were dating, my mom mentioned that Andy looked like somebody famous. We were talking on the phone when she brought it up.

"You know, Andy looks like a celebrity. " she said.

"Mmm," I agreed, "I know. He looks like Winnie the Pooh. Can't you just see him with his pot of honey?"

My mom was disturbed. "I hope he doesn't walk around without pants on." She went on to tell me that Andy bears a striking resemblance to Ben Affleck. Well, then, how's about them apples?

"Well, I suppose he looks more like Ben Affleck than I do." I wasn't going to trust my mom's judgement about guys. When I was a high school sophomore she told me I should date my only classmate with chest hair. The conversation moved on to other topics but I tucked the comment away in my mind and was pleased that my mom gave Andy a compliment because it meant that she approved of our relationship.

A few months later we were out to dinner at the local diner. It was a blustery fall evening and the six table joint was all but empty except me, Andy, the waitress, the cook and two rough looking hunters. After we filled our bellies, I put on my coat as Andy stood up to pay the bill. The larger and rougher looking hunter stood up and belted out, "Hey! Has anybody ever told you that you look like Ben Affleck?"

Those exact words have been repeated at least twenty five times from men and women in various areas of Andy's life. From the sketchy tenant who called it out from her door as he collected rent, to his gregarious Uncle Mark, from students in his museum studies class to professional colleagues, Andy is asked at least once a month, "Hey! Did you know you look like Ben Affleck?"

My cousin Megan and her hubby John spoke with me and Andy about this a few years back. I found out I was the odd man out at the impromptu celebrity look-alike party: Megan is told she looks like Teri Hatcher and John resembles Woody Harrelson. When I asked which celebrity I was twin to, Andy replied, "Melissa, not EVERBODY can look like a celebrity."

"Well, well, one time this guy I know, he told me I look like Natalie Portman!" I blurted. I'm pretty sure I heard two snickers and one full out laugh about that statement. Other than the really nice guy I used to know, only my mom has told me I look like a celebrity. She used to tell me I resembled Kelly Martin when she was in the show Life Goes On. We both were little and plain with mousy brown hair and pink glasses.

I've been looking at Andy a lot lately. Just today I was watching him mow the lawn while I sipped my morning coffee. "You know," I thought to myself, "he looks like the love interest of the mom on Gilmore Girls. " And though he doesn't necessarily look like him, Andy really reminds me of Doug on King of Queens. Still, they are all celebrities, putting Andy within six degrees of separation from stardom. I get it and I agree. Andy is hot. We have been together for eight years and the first thing on my mind when I look at him, in fact, every time I look at him, is, man, he is so hot! How did this plain Jane luck out and marry a good looking guy? Must be my cooking.

I guess I shouldn't complain. If Andy is Ben Affleck I must be his Jennifer Garner. If Andy is Doug I would be Lea Remini. And Frank isn't that far off from Jerry Stiller's character on that show. (Note to Mom: get a dog walker for Dad!)

In the end, Andy will always be my Pooh and I'm perfectly content to be his Piglet.