Skip to main content

Tiny Thought

A tiny thought has been knocking at my mind's door. It's been tap, tap, tapping; some days very loudly, so much so that it distracts me from anything else. Other days, it is subtle and soft, rhythmic, like my pulse; in sync with the rise and fall of my chest.

The tiny thought blew in from a distant place, a far away land. I do not know exactly when it arrived, but I surmise it came in on the fierce gales of the mid-life late winter storm, which took place just as the ice began to recede on the lake, reminding us that winter had not yet let us go. Just as I realized that this stage of my life was not yet ready to let me go.

I'd thought I was impervious to the tiny thought. The thought, though small in one's mind, proves powerful for many women. I've heard stories of the tiny thought and have been witness to the tiny thought's metamorphosis. It starts as a seed and grows to a longing, a home sickness, an unspoken knowing. You will know, friends say. You will know if this thought Is meant for you. Some women open the door and let the tiny thought in. They welcome her in from the cold and offer her a cup of tea and a place to warm herself by the fire. Some women let the tiny thought stay for a while or they let the tiny thought make herself at home. Then, it is as though the tiny thought was never just a thought but instead real and touchable, flesh and blood and always and forever.

When I first heard the knocking, I knew it was the tiny thought who had arrived. I'd felt the storm. It has churned something inside of me as much as it had caused a stir in the early spring birds and eager buds. I crept to the window of my mind and peered out.

"I see you and I know you see me, too," said the tiny thought, smiling at me.

"You are correct," I replied. "I see you, too, however, you have the wrong mind. You must be lost."

No," whispered the tiny thought, emphatically, "The wind blew me to you."

I shook my head. "Well then, so be it. Perhaps the wind did carry you from there to here but this is where you are going to stay- right here on the stoop of my mind. I don't care if you get tired or hungry or lonely. This is where your journey ends with me."

The tiny thought gave me a tiny smile and said, "I'll wait here. I'll wait for you if it's sunny or cold or rainy or windy. I'll wait for you when I am cold. I will wait for you when I am hungry. The wind blew me here and this is where I shall stay."

At first, I tried to blow the tiny thought back to where she came from, but no sneezing, no yawning, or jumping on one leg with my head titled to the side, made any difference whatsoever. It was as though she was stuck right there, like glue, perpetually knocking on my mind's door. I'd play music to cover up the sound. I'd busy myself with all the things that makes one's day busy, trying to forget, yet when I'd lay in bed at night, I could hear the tiny thought's tiny cough. "It's getting cold out there," I'd think to myself. "Maybe I should let her in."

As though she'd read my mind the tiny thought would cry out, "I'm fine, I'm here when you are ready to open the door. I'm not going anywhere.

"Good night then," I would murmur, falling into slumber.

"Good night," she would sing as she hummed a soft and gentle lullaby.

Over time, I have become accustomed to the tiny thought at my mind's door. I sneak a look out my window and there she is, and we exchange smiles. I water the flowers on my mind's door stoop each morning and there is the tiny thought, always smiling up at me.

"There you are," I greet her.

"I'll never leave you," she reminds me, cheerfully.

"I know," I reply, before shutting the door.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Somebody Who Matters

At first glance, one may not think that my mom and I are alike. Moe is shy and reserved. She's calm and thoughtful. She's a good listener and keeps things to herself. She's grounded and sensible. She's practical. You may be laughing now if you know me. I'm loud and outspoken. I'm dramatic and irrational. I talk too much and share too much. My head is often in the clouds and I lack common sense. I 'm a dreamer. How did this kid come from that mom? Well, if you know me, you also know that my mom has had the greatest impact on me and that we are actually very much alike. For example, Moe isn't really shy or reserved. She's just waiting for the right time to tell you what she thinks and you're going to hear it whether or not you like it. She uses the F-bomb freely, and sometimes inappropriately. In her own right, she is a feminist. She's a loyal friend. She's the family organizer. She has a quirky sense of humor and knows not to take hersel...
Post a Comment
Read more

Reflections on Summer with the Girls

I've been thinking all week long about how to summarize my summer home with the girls. For me, one who is never short on words, I just can't quite figure out how to explain the last eight weeks.A poem, or two, perhaps? How quickly work fades/When two little faces smile./Can I stop time, please? A real summer here,/Made for easy days at lake./Everyone is tan. Three mile point love./Makes winters here easier./Beautiful upstate. Caro is a fish./Handstands, front crawl, doggy paddle./So proud of my girl. Char pees on the pot/sometimes but not every time./She gets candy, yay! Oh Canada trip./Thank you to Grams and Opa./Memories for life. Visits with Nana./Got in the lake, yes she did!/So proud of her, too! Days spent with good friends./Playing is so tiring./Let it never end. Me: stay at home mom./Borderline insanity./Hardest job ever. In trying to draft something for this post, I looked back at my posts from last year at this time and I felt relief. Well, first, ...
1 comment
Read more

Tips for Transitioning to Back-To-School Time

Transitions can be hard for kids with special needs, making the back-to-school schedule particularly challenging for them and their families. Here are some tips for making that transition, and first few months of the fall, easier for everyone. Map out a Schedule and Reduce Anxiety While no kid wants to start talking about going back to school when he or she is still enjoying their summer vacation, it’s important to reduce anxiety by starting to talk about what the back-to-school schedule is going to look like. While this could mean creating a visual schedule or developing a calendar, it’s important to talk with your child about what the back-to-school schedule is going to look like, including wake up time, what happens during the day, after school, right up until bedtime. Developing a schedule can hopefully alleviate some of your child's stress about what to expect during the transition and can also open up a dialogue for what questions and concerns your child has. Have your chil...
Post a Comment
Read more