Skip to main content

Becoming a Gambler

"You've got to know when to hold 'em

Know when to fold 'em

Know when to walk away

And know when to run -Kenny Rogers

Seventeen years ago, my college roommate suggested I run on the track with her as a way to shed unwanted college weight. I could barely run one lap around the track before walking but I continued returning to the track until graduation and then, after college, I took to the streets. I have dedicated several posts to my love of, and history with, the sport of running and my journey to defining myself as a runner. Running has been a constant and consistent piece of my twenties and thirties, a safe space in times of uncertainty and a place for me to channel my energy and goals. I use those words very intentionally: space, place. Running is not a thing, it is an action, but for me the action of running has a physicality beyond my body moving in time and space. Running is tangible; it's impact on my mind is as concrete for me as the way it has shaped my muscles. Running has also been a mechanism for developing friendships and gaining a personal identity outside of my family. If someone were to ask me to use five words to describe myself, runner would be one of them.

I have also used this post as a place to express my frustration and depression over running-related injuries. It's hard to believe that my first significant injury was years ago, as running strong and injury-free is easily conjured in my mind. Since I was never athletic before adulthood, I overlooked the process of injury and recovery, let my obsessive compulsive inner demon get the best of me, and never healed properly.

Slowly, over time, I have accepted my injuries, combatted the demon, and experienced periods of running and periods of injury/recovery. I even had a personal best (ever) post injury. Yet, even with the PR, I have not yet returned to feeling as strong and resilient as before my first injury. I've not been able to run as far nor as fast as I once did. Through all of this, I swallowed my pride and came to the realization that it's more important to run, no matter how slow or how short a distance, than to not run at all.

Yet, despite my decision to dial down my expectations, both physically and mentally, I continue to experience injuries. For those who skipped A&P, muscles are connected! Yeah, so injuries, particularly those that aren't treated, can cause a domino-effect: hip pain can lead to hamstring stress, down to calf pulls to heel spurs to plantar fasciitis and a bunch of other injuries, too. Sometimes and injury can be the beginning of the end.

I'm a big believer in ROI though I've realized lately I don't always follow my beliefs. In theory, I believe we should put energy into activities that deliver the biggest return on investment. If we aren't seeing the results we want, we need to either tweak our technique, reconsider our methodology, or stop doing the activity altogether. I apply this to many aspects of my life, and with respect to running I've talked to physical therapists and other runners and I know there is hope. I could go to PT. I could get massages and go to a chiropractor. I could try different strength training exercises or stretches. An injury does not have to be the beginning of the end.

Unless you want it to be.

My latest injury has been nagging me for about 2 months and screamed at me two weekends ago, when a long run turned into a shorter run and a little bruise showed up, warning me of what can happen when we don't take care of a nag. As I iced and foam rolled my injury, I felt the same old feelings of sadness, frustration lack of control, and missing out. I started to think that I spend more time feeling bad when/after running than feeling good. So, as I cross train and rest my latest injury, I'm also trying to determine whether I should return to running or if there's another soul-mate exercise out there for me. Maybe I can love more than just one sport. Maybe another exercise will be as therapeutic, and accessible, to me as running. Hopefully.

I've also decided that it's time to apply ROI to other aspects of my life. What else, besides running, needs to be reconsidered? Is there anything that I once loved that now feels like a drain? What are the implications of me stopping that activity? What am I afraid of letting go because it will change my identity?Conversely, can I tweak anything I'm doing to make it more fulfilling? What parts of my identity are non-negotiable?

I have trepidation when it comes to change and I'm fairly risk averse but it's about time that I start thinking like a gambler and know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Tips for Transitioning to Back-To-School Time

Transitions can be hard for kids with special needs, making the back-to-school schedule particularly challenging for them and their families. Here are some tips for making that transition, and first few months of the fall, easier for everyone. Map out a Schedule and Reduce Anxiety While no kid wants to start talking about going back to school when he or she is still enjoying their summer vacation, it’s important to reduce anxiety by starting to talk about what the back-to-school schedule is going to look like. While this could mean creating a visual schedule or developing a calendar, it’s important to talk with your child about what the back-to-school schedule is going to look like, including wake up time, what happens during the day, after school, right up until bedtime. Developing a schedule can hopefully alleviate some of your child's stress about what to expect during the transition and can also open up a dialogue for what questions and concerns your child has. Have your chil...
Post a Comment
Read more

Reflections on Summer with the Girls

I've been thinking all week long about how to summarize my summer home with the girls. For me, one who is never short on words, I just can't quite figure out how to explain the last eight weeks.A poem, or two, perhaps? How quickly work fades/When two little faces smile./Can I stop time, please? A real summer here,/Made for easy days at lake./Everyone is tan. Three mile point love./Makes winters here easier./Beautiful upstate. Caro is a fish./Handstands, front crawl, doggy paddle./So proud of my girl. Char pees on the pot/sometimes but not every time./She gets candy, yay! Oh Canada trip./Thank you to Grams and Opa./Memories for life. Visits with Nana./Got in the lake, yes she did!/So proud of her, too! Days spent with good friends./Playing is so tiring./Let it never end. Me: stay at home mom./Borderline insanity./Hardest job ever. In trying to draft something for this post, I looked back at my posts from last year at this time and I felt relief. Well, first, ...
1 comment
Read more

An Open "PM" to Polly

Hey Polly, it’s me- Melissa. Can I call you Polly? Because I feel like I know you. Do I know you? We’ve been in the same social media circles for many months now. I see from your profile that you went to Cornell. I have a lot of friends that graduated from there. It’s an awesome school. What year did you graduate? I also see that you’re self-employed. I really respect entrepreneurs, particularly female entrepreneurs. What’s your business? Are you a photographer because your Facebook profile picture of Doubleday Field is fantastic. I see that you don’t have any Facebook friends, Polly. I understand that. Are you lonely? It can be really lonely around here. Listen Polly, this election got really nasty but at the end of the day are all neighbors right? Do you want to meet, do you want to talk about it? Haven’t seen you on social media since the election. I totally get where you’re coming from, Polly. It’s been hard for me, too. When you put yourself out there with really strong opinio...
1 comment
Read more