A Mom's Life

Have you ever done something wrong and in the same second you realized your mistake you tried to will time backwards to undo it all? For me, this issue usually arises in relation to my mouth. My brain and mouth are often so in sync that the thoughts I have somehow race from my mind and out the hatch. If my fingers are in cahoots with the mind/mouth pair, the blunders present themselves in the form of emails and electronic posts like status updates or eek, even my precious blog. Yes, you can technically rescind an email, but we all know that it happens so fast that it only takes one person to open the message for the words to be in permanent cyber-space. When I send an inappropriate email or do something stupid otherwise, I have the same reaction, I start to sweat, first. My heart races and I feel the water pouring off of my forehead. Second, I try, as fast as I can, to grab time and pull it backwards, to pull myself and life itself back a mouse click, a minute, an hour, a day, or ...

I am interested in running for political office for one reason: mandatory annual driver's testing for those 65 and older. I know, I know, for any of you looking off into the horizon of your golden years you are automatically thinking I'm a young twerp who has it coming to her. I've had this idea for quite some time and I'll tell you why. Back at home, an elderly man drove into the front of the same grocery store-TWICE. Every time someone cuts me off while merging on the highway I see a little gray-haired- head peeking over the steering wheel. Those same gray heads drive 20 in a 40 and 30 in a 60. Many a garage door, rock and bumper has been damaged due to an AARP member confusing D with R. My mom, who is approaching gray-haired -lady status, was down-right angry with me for mentioning my concern with our senior drivers. Fearing her own freedom will one day be taken away from her, she staunchly supports the elderly's ability to drive themselves here, there, everywhe...

I'm dying. We all are. Yes, we are living, breathing beings yet from the time of our birth into this world we are aging and moving decades, years, months, weeks, days and minutes toward our last day on earth. Several years ago I started to have small panic attacks about dying. It happens at the most random moments, but most often while driving. I think it's because my mind wanders when I'm alone in the car and somehow settles on the fact that some day I'm not going to be doing this anymore. This life. I start to hyperventilate and sweat until I calm myself down by thinking about the fact that I didn't care what happened before June 26, 1978 and I'm not going to care about what happens after I die. I won't even know that I'm supposed to care, right? I hope my spirit carries on in some way but I figure it's most likely to be in the thoughts of others rather than some translucent version of myself that contacts my loved ones via Jennifer Love He...

We had to have a talk on the way home tonight. I was tired and really wasn't prepared but sometimes it just has to be done when it has to be done. I was firm but not mean. I was honest but understanding. I talked a lot. She said nothing. In fact, she sat in her seat like a statue, staring out of the window. She was even borderline rude. It was like she didn't even hear what I was saying when she spoke right over me to declare, "Moo cow?!" I'm exhausted every day when I make the return trip from work and it takes all of my energy to pick Caroline up from day care and get us home. I hardly know any of the parents there because we all come and go like zombies. Picking our kid up is a check box on the day's to-do list. At some point between cleaning dishes and washing out sippy cups, I read the daily activity sheet that the daycare provider completes to inform parents of the ins and outs of the little things we all miss while we are at work. It is then tha...

It started with my Mom. Many years ago, when Andy and I were dating, my mom mentioned that Andy looked like somebody famous. We were talking on the phone when she brought it up. "You know, Andy looks like a celebrity. " she said. "Mmm," I agreed, "I know. He looks like Winnie the Pooh. Can't you just see him with his pot of honey?" My mom was disturbed. "I hope he doesn't walk around without pants on." She went on to tell me that Andy bears a striking resemblance to Ben Affleck. Well, then, how's about them apples? "Well, I suppose he looks more like Ben Affleck than I do." I wasn't going to trust my mom's judgement about guys. When I was a high school sophomore she told me I should date my only classmate with chest hair. The conversation moved on to other topics but I tucked the comment away in my mind and was pleased that my mom gave Andy a compliment because it meant that she approved of our relationship. A few mo...

Everybody loves holidays. Time off from work, eating good food, hanging with family and maybe getting some presents. What's not to love? From Christmas to Easter, and from Mother's Day to New Year's Eve, there's a special holiday and wonderful holiday-related memory for every one. Well, every one but me. I'm starting to hate holidays. Really, I am. It's my fault, too and that makes it worse. Since Caroline's birth, I look at holidays as mini-vacations. A typical day for us is chaotic and there is barely a moment to breathe. But, a holiday is a day to step out of the rat race and relax! A holiday is a day to get baby support from family members who are more than happy to take on some of the mundane parenting duties. Not to mention, a holiday is a day to get and give gifts! I get excited anywhere from a month to a week in advance of each holiday, depending on how hyped up the day is in my mind. That's when it starts to fall apart. It takes me so long to pa...

I could write a tribute to my mom every day, but since this Sunday is the the yearly designated block on the calendar for Mom, I'll go ahead and dedicate this week's blog to mine, who we like to call Moe, or as Andy says "Marine". I've met a lot of women in my life whom I don't like at all. I'm lucky though, to have been in the company of so many whom I like very much and love a great deal. I have some really fantastic friends and colleagues who have helped shape and influence me throughout the years but no woman has had made a greater impact on me than Moe. Being a mom has, of course, made me better understand Moe and respect the decisions she has made. I'm lucky to say that it wasn't just parenthood that opened my eyes to my mom's sacrifices, her strength and grace. I've known ever since I was a little girl that I had a special mom and lived under the guidance of the type of mom not everyone gets to have. Sure, there were bumps along...