Skip to main content

Oh where, or where has my flat belly gone?

Today was warm, meaning Spring might be on its way. Summer follows Spring. That means I'll want to go swimming and I'll need a swimsuit. This used to be a source of fun and excitement for me when my biggest question was how much money to spend on a tiny piece of spandex. Three summers ago, my swimsuit was my post-work outfit of choice. We painted our house that summer and a bikini was the obvious painting attire option. Get paint on your leg? It's just skin! Wash it off! The bikini was pink with green, tropical leaves. It had a triangle top and the front and back of the bottom were attached by small, wooden circles. Cars would honk at my bum as I stood on the ladder slapping paint onto the siding. I waved back with pride, not knowing that was the last time I would be able to see my upper-inner thighs just by looking down.

The next summer was equally fun because I was in my second trimester. I had a beautiful, growing belly and sported several styles of bikini. Before stretch marks and before kankles, I was a cute pregnant lady and figured there was no way to hide the belly so I might as well flaunt it.

Do you know that saying, "Shake what your momma gave you."? I'd like to change the phrase to, "Shake what being a momma gave you." I'd have to be provided with an unmarked, black briefcase filled with a large sum of cash to squeeze my fanny into a bikini this year. Last year I sported a one piece and in every photo all I see are thunder thighs and this weird, saggy bag hanging below my belly button. No amount of sit ups are going to flatten the bag of skin that prevents me from seeing below it. That sack of skin which rests like a little Jabba the Hut on my thighs when I sit on the toilet. What if I let it out into the sun and it sees its shadow like the ground hog? Surely, it would tell me to go back inside and hibernate. Six more YEARS of winter. I digress: I do not really want to wear a swimsuit for fear of sharing my lack of muscle tone and body image with the public. But, I love to swim and therefore the search is on to find the piece of spandex which will turn me into the MommaGoddess who lives inside of me.

Hmm- shall it be the tanikini or swimskirt? So many options.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Somebody Who Matters

At first glance, one may not think that my mom and I are alike. Moe is shy and reserved. She's calm and thoughtful. She's a good listener and keeps things to herself. She's grounded and sensible. She's practical. You may be laughing now if you know me. I'm loud and outspoken. I'm dramatic and irrational. I talk too much and share too much. My head is often in the clouds and I lack common sense. I 'm a dreamer. How did this kid come from that mom? Well, if you know me, you also know that my mom has had the greatest impact on me and that we are actually very much alike. For example, Moe isn't really shy or reserved. She's just waiting for the right time to tell you what she thinks and you're going to hear it whether or not you like it. She uses the F-bomb freely, and sometimes inappropriately. In her own right, she is a feminist. She's a loyal friend. She's the family organizer. She has a quirky sense of humor and knows not to take hersel...
Post a Comment
Read more

Facebook Reality Check

I am a big facebook user. No, I don't play Farmville or Candy Crush Saga but I spend at least 15 minutes on the site daily. I have read many articles about how facebook kills one's self esteem because people use the site to boast and brag about their awesome lives, which in turn makes others feel badly about their own. We all know that facebook is a slice of one's life or maybe a projection of the life they want to live. Anybody who isn't a fool should realize that. As a frequent facebooker and hardcore extrovert, with a lack of a strong filter, I find this whole situation to be a dilemma. What is worse, reading about someone's awesome day and seeing a picture of how fabulous they looked during their awesome day, or reading about their terrible day, looking at angry political memes, or rants about the bad customer service they received? Do you want to read about how someone had the best night ever with their bestest buds (you not included) or that they have been ...
1 comment
Read more

Tips for Transitioning to Back-To-School Time

Transitions can be hard for kids with special needs, making the back-to-school schedule particularly challenging for them and their families. Here are some tips for making that transition, and first few months of the fall, easier for everyone. Map out a Schedule and Reduce Anxiety While no kid wants to start talking about going back to school when he or she is still enjoying their summer vacation, it’s important to reduce anxiety by starting to talk about what the back-to-school schedule is going to look like. While this could mean creating a visual schedule or developing a calendar, it’s important to talk with your child about what the back-to-school schedule is going to look like, including wake up time, what happens during the day, after school, right up until bedtime. Developing a schedule can hopefully alleviate some of your child's stress about what to expect during the transition and can also open up a dialogue for what questions and concerns your child has. Have your chil...
Post a Comment
Read more