A Mom's Life

A couple of years ago, I found myself in a Joanne Fabrics. It was one of those rare occasions when I had several hours to myself and I was in the vicinity of a shopping plaza. For me, I find it cathartic to push a cart up and down the aisles of a craft store like Joanne Fabrics or, I’m ashamed to admit, Hobby Lobby. I feel, in those moments, that I’m surrounded by possibility. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll feel a little bit happier in life if I buy that wooden sign that says DREAM in cursive lettering. I know I’d be a better person if I just finally learned to sew. I would truly be happy in life if I repainted every room in white, got all white furniture, and bought all of the those glass jars and votives down there in aisle 7 and put them on my fireplace mantle. In these moments, I feel possibility, innovation and the opportunity to reinvent myself through consumerism and home decor. On this particular day, a few years ago, reinvention was at my fingertips. I was holding one of those reus...

Dear Charlotte, It’s hard to believe that eight years ago you were born. I’ll never forget that day. I’m sure eight years feels like a really long time but it feels like a blink of an eye for me. I write this letter to you today knowing that you won’t read it, at least not anytime soon. I wanted to write to you to say that I am sorry. When I first found out that Caroline had a disability, I read a lot of articles online written by parents and experts. I distinctly remember one of the articles recommending that parents of a child with a disability should have another child. That may seem a little crass to some people, but I understood what the author meant. Of course, when I had you I was just beginning to feel something in my gut that told me that something was going on with Caro. The timing wasn’t great because I had no idea what hit me by having a toddler and an infant ,let alone a toddler with behavior problems and an infant. Your first days and years on this planet were equa...