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Showing posts from May, 2018

From I'm Not Worthy! to Treat. Yo.Self.

A couple of years ago, I found myself in a Joanne Fabrics. It was one of those rare occasions when I had several hours to myself and I was in the vicinity of a shopping plaza. For me, I find it cathartic to push a cart up and down the aisles of a craft store like Joanne Fabrics or, I’m ashamed to admit, Hobby Lobby. I feel, in those moments, that I’m surrounded by possibility. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll feel a little bit happier in life if I buy that wooden sign that says DREAM in cursive lettering. I know I’d be a better person if I just finally learned to sew. I would truly be happy in life if I repainted every room in white, got all white furniture, and bought all of the those glass jars and votives down there in aisle 7 and put them on my fireplace mantle. In these moments, I feel possibility, innovation and the opportunity to reinvent myself through consumerism and home decor.On this particular day, a few years ago, reinvention was at my fingertips. I was holding one of those reusa…

Dear Charlotte on Your Birthday

Dear Charlotte, It’s hard to believe that eight years ago you were born. I’ll never forget that day. I’m sure eight years feels like a really long time but it feels like a blink of an eye for me. I write this letter to you today knowing that you won’t read it, at least not anytime soon.I wanted to write to you to say that I am sorry.When I first found out that Caroline had a disability, I read a lot of articles online written by parents and experts. I distinctly remember one of the articles recommending that parents of a child with a disability should have another child. That may seem a little crass to some people, but I understood what the author meant. Of course, when I had you I was just beginning to feel something in my gut that told me that something was going on with Caro. The timing wasn’t great because I had no idea what hit me by having a toddler and an infant ,let alone a toddler with behavior problems and an infant. Your first days and years on this planet were equally beau…