Posts

Showing posts from March, 2009

Everybody's Doing It But Me

Everybody's having a baby but me. Ok, so that's an exaggeration. Some women are pregnant and I'm not even trying. It just seems like everywhere I look I see big, happy, baby bellies and when I look down all I see is a little, white, hairy pouch that never gets flatter no matter how many situps I do. Whether it be my friends, family, colleagues, stars on TV or strangers in the park, women are planning for the arrival of their second child and here I am planning for the arrival of my first fake tooth.
When we had Caroline, we never talked about having number two because we were so focused on number one. It seemed an unstated agreement between the two of us that we would make her a little brother or sister, we just didn't know about the timing. Last summer, I decided the timing was right and I was ready. Just as the "trying" was about to commence, all the business with my tooth started and our baby making was delayed. I am a control freak and do not like t…

Just Dance

Let's face it. There's not too many positive things going on in the world lately. The economy is going down the toilet faster than Caroline's potty attempts. I rarely talk to someone who isn't concerned about the stability of his or her job and fearful to be living paycheck to paycheck or potentially losing benefits. Not to mention, summer is around the corner, along with high gas prices and out-of-pocket vacation expenses. Will there be an end to the madness? When is the bend around the corner?

I join the millions concerned about life right now. I'm your classic worry wort. For each positive thought I have, my brain instantly counters with a concern.

It's sunny out today. What if I get a sunburn?
We were invited to a party this weekend. I have nothing to wear.
My job is paying for me to take a class. What if I fail?
I'm joining a new social club. What if nobody likes me?
You get the idea. My job, my spouse, my parents, my spouse's parents, my kid, m…

Alternative Bedroom Uses

I have decided to get a certification that will enhance the services I offer to my students. This decision has made me wonder if I am certifiably crazy. I have not taken a class in six years and for my entire academic career I avoided any classes that were outside of my comfort area. Give me the biggest 19th century American novel and I will gladly read it and write you a 30-page paper about some random theme from the book that not even the author thought about. I once wrote a 20-page paper about women's dress sleeves in paintings dating from 1830-1860.

This online certification involves a great deal of psychology and statistics, both topics I've previously avoided like the plague. Last week, upon opening the text book for this course, my body began to react in such a way that I was transported back in time to every single secondary math class of my younger years. My temperature rose at least 2 degrees. My palms became clammy and slippery. My heart started to pound. I…

I'm so SAD

I'm feeling very sad lately. It's no surprise since I have seasonal affectiveness disorder (self-diagnosed on WebMD). I fit perfectly into the Internet Experts definition of a SAD person: I am a woman. I am between 15 and 55 and I live where hell froze over. I have all the symptoms: I am grumpy and anxious, I've gained weight, I eat tons of carbs and I'm tired all of the time.
I appreciate this quick diagnosis,which is why I'm such a huge fan of WebMD, but I have to say they are really only hitting the tip of the SAD iceberg in defining the additional symptoms of this cruelly depressing disorder. I'm crafting a list to send off to them in hopes they will add these to their list. You know, in case someone is on the fence about themselves and they need some more symptoms for comparison.
1. Dry, fly-away, flat hair;
2. Zitty, combination skin (super dry cheeks, super oily nose and chin);
3. Dry skin between eye brows that never seems to go away no matter how much…