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Showing posts from November, 2012

When in Rome, Talk Like the Romans

When I was in college my friends were afraid to have me meet their families. I don't really blame them. I'm not totally sure what all of the reasons were, but I think the primary was the fact that I have a mouth like a sailor. I'd like to thank my family for the gift of vulgarity. I was raised among blue collar workers, loggers, truckers, and a generally loving, yet tough crowd of people. I spent many a night coloring at the kitchen table of my grandmother's house, surrounded by adults chain smoking, drinking coffee or beer, and arguing about anything and everything. Every other word was an f-bomb of something of the like. My mom, a selective swearer, taught me a few rules about using my vocabulary wisely. I was allowed to swear at home but never at school or in the presence of non-family adults. I'm proud to say I never got detention in school nor do I think most adults in my life knew about my potty mouth. That is except for my BFF's mom, whose house I spen…

Today My Dad's Chewing Is Going To Drive Me Insane

Ever since I was a teenager I have had this problem. (Andy would say I have LOTS of problems, but this time I'll focus on this one). I clearly recall, one summer afternoon, after getting off my housekeeping shift at the nursing home, sitting at the dining room table having a snack. My dad was seated across from me, doing paperwork. He was eating an apple. With each crunch, and breath between, rage sparked inside of me. Crunch. Breathe. Crunch. Sigh. Crunch. My chest tightened and I felt that was about to explode with insane anger. "Dad!" I asked as calmly as I could, "Can you please stop eating. So loudly?" This comment sparked my dad's own rage and suddenly we were in the middle of a heated argument which ended in me leaving the house for the night. This was the beginning of my "problem" with certain sounds. A illness I have been plagued with for years. A secret I've hidden. Well, sort of. See, this is how it goes for me. I suff…