A Mom's Life

Have you ever done something wrong and in the same second you realized your mistake you tried to will time backwards to undo it all? For me, this issue usually arises in relation to my mouth. My brain and mouth are often so in sync that the thoughts I have somehow race from my mind and out the hatch. If my fingers are in cahoots with the mind/mouth pair, the blunders present themselves in the form of emails and electronic posts like status updates or eek, even my precious blog. Yes, you can technically rescind an email, but we all know that it happens so fast that it only takes one person to open the message for the words to be in permanent cyber-space. When I send an inappropriate email or do something stupid otherwise, I have the same reaction, I start to sweat, first. My heart races and I feel the water pouring off of my forehead. Second, I try, as fast as I can, to grab time and pull it backwards, to pull myself and life itself back a mouse click, a minute, an hour, a day, or ...

I am interested in running for political office for one reason: mandatory annual driver's testing for those 65 and older. I know, I know, for any of you looking off into the horizon of your golden years you are automatically thinking I'm a young twerp who has it coming to her. I've had this idea for quite some time and I'll tell you why. Back at home, an elderly man drove into the front of the same grocery store-TWICE. Every time someone cuts me off while merging on the highway I see a little gray-haired- head peeking over the steering wheel. Those same gray heads drive 20 in a 40 and 30 in a 60. Many a garage door, rock and bumper has been damaged due to an AARP member confusing D with R. My mom, who is approaching gray-haired -lady status, was down-right angry with me for mentioning my concern with our senior drivers. Fearing her own freedom will one day be taken away from her, she staunchly supports the elderly's ability to drive themselves here, there, everywhe...

I'm dying. We all are. Yes, we are living, breathing beings yet from the time of our birth into this world we are aging and moving decades, years, months, weeks, days and minutes toward our last day on earth. Several years ago I started to have small panic attacks about dying. It happens at the most random moments, but most often while driving. I think it's because my mind wanders when I'm alone in the car and somehow settles on the fact that some day I'm not going to be doing this anymore. This life. I start to hyperventilate and sweat until I calm myself down by thinking about the fact that I didn't care what happened before June 26, 1978 and I'm not going to care about what happens after I die. I won't even know that I'm supposed to care, right? I hope my spirit carries on in some way but I figure it's most likely to be in the thoughts of others rather than some translucent version of myself that contacts my loved ones via Jennifer Love He...