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Driving Miss Moe

I am interested in running for political office for one reason: mandatory annual driver's testing for those 65 and older. I know, I know, for any of you looking off into the horizon of your golden years you are automatically thinking I'm a young twerp who has it coming to her. I've had this idea for quite some time and I'll tell you why.

  • Back at home, an elderly man drove into the front of the same grocery store-TWICE.
  • Every time someone cuts me off while merging on the highway I see a little gray-haired- head peeking over the steering wheel.
  • Those same gray heads drive 20 in a 40 and 30 in a 60.
  • Many a garage door, rock and bumper has been damaged due to an AARP member confusing D with R.

My mom, who is approaching gray-haired -lady status, was down-right angry with me for mentioning my concern with our senior drivers. Fearing her own freedom will one day be taken away from her, she staunchly supports the elderly's ability to drive themselves here, there, everywhere and straight into the coffin. It seems Mom must have early-onset alzheimer's because she has forgotten hiding the keys from my cataract suffering grandmother who would push her walker out into the road, grumbling about getting into the car to go to town as well as the conspiracy about the TV screen always being blue.

She had all but forgotten until last week when Caroline, Mom and I were waiting for our grinder order at the pizza joint near my parent's house. The three of us were sitting on a bench, soaking up the sun and people watching when we noticed one of my silver-haired buds sitting in a brand spanking new Matrix. Like the folks in the cars around him, he looked as though he was waiting for the person with him who went in to pick up the take out. He has his head back as though he, too, was soaking in the afternoon sun.

After about 20 minutes, the man, without a companion having joined him, turned over the ignition and slowly rolled his car backwards and stopped directly in the path of any car coming into the parking lot from the highway. After about 3 or 4 minutes he rolled the car forward, and very close to a parked car, ever so slowly, like he just remembered his companion and hoped the slow roll would allow him or her to run over and hop in. Then he sat at the exit for several more minutes before cautiously pulling out in front of an on-coming car. He then chugged his way westbound and into the setting sun, most likely going 10 in a 30.

So, Mom, will you be the first to sign my petition to run for Office? It'll be locally, up here in New York, so it won't impact you. And if you do end up failing that mandatory driver's test that is so poular is becomes law in all 50 states, I promise to drive you to the grocery store, Wal-Mart and the Y's acquasize classes as many times as you want, just like you drove me to the Mall, to ballet class and to friends' houses every single week until I turned 16 and became the other half of the feared driver population.


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