A Mom's Life

"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."-- Elizabeth Stone My friend once said that she'd rather jump in front of a bus than have a child. I would jump in front of a bus for my child. When I was about five months pregnant I told Andy I loved the baby more than him. Of course, I love Andy so much and can not imagine life without him but the love I had for the life we created was the most intense feeling to experience. I hadn't even met her yet, and I could not imagine my life without this baby. From the moment you find out you're pregnant, everything you do is for the baby. The baby is with you wherever you go and sleeps and grows to your every movement and to the sound of your voice. Someone told me a baby automatically loves her mother's voice. That's nice for me since my voice is high and often, irritating to others. When Caroline was first born, t...

The president of my fan club-my mother- told me that the other members of the fan club- her coworkers whom she forces to read this blog-said my musings are on the mean side. I'm sorry to hear this and sorry to let the fans down when I inform them that I will continue to offer the same sarcastic humor every week, centered on the shortcomings of the man I live with. Don't tell anybody, but when no one is looking, I am sometimes nice to Andy. I may even hold his hand or rub his back when the curtains are closed or it's really dark outside. Since it's Thanksgiving this week, I thought I'd take the time to tell you about this softer side and share just how lucky I am. Andy is really smart; almost as smart as me! He's a wonderful writer, has great ideas and I'm really proud of his professional accomplishments. Whenever I meet someone, they ask me if I am married to Andrew. He is also really cute; lucky me. My mom started the idea that he looks like Ben Afflec...

Shortly after Caroline was born I started to hate Andy. I despised him and his lack of understanding me and how tired and overworked I was. The poor guy said little during this time and quietly rode the emotion rollercoaster in the same bucket as me, holding my hand as I'd cry and rant about one dramatic issue or another, always culminating in me deciding we needed to get a divorce. A friend (ok, a therapist) recommended Andy andI take a quiz about aspects of our relationship. The quiz was fun and silly and reminded both of us that we really are in love and have a great deal in common. The last question asked us to list our top five priorities. One through four were all the same-family, health, financial stability and career. The fifth was different and telling about who we are. My fifth priority is time to myself. His is civic engagement. Ah- civic engagement. How I love those whose life's work is to help others. While I tuck Caroline in at night and then eat a slice...

The great thing about men is that they can surprise you. Today was going to be productive. I went to bed last night with dreams of emails, meetings and check marks on the to-do-list dancing around my head. I would do it all and prove to myself that I can offer the same quality and caliber of work part-time as I once offered in my years of 40 hour work weeks. Before I even had my coat off at work I noticed the message light blinking on my phone. I diligently wrote the jist of the message in shorthand: daycare-Caroline-vomit-must leave immediately. Panic sets in as I scramble to get the details of the vomiting incident, convince daycare that it's ok to keep her there for an hour or so and run around the office trying to figure out how I can get my day's work done in 15 minutes. I try Andy's cell phone 3 or 4 times. He's in a meeting all morning and turned it off. What good would it do to reach him anyway? He'd just tell me to suck it up and go home. I call a friend wh...

I don't agree with women who say they don't want to have a baby because it will "ruin their body." With that said, I have yet to lose the last ten pounds of baby weight I packed on during my pregnancy. I haven't dropped a pound since February. As I drag my butt to the gym and painfully jog 1.5 miles on the treadmill, I think back to the days when I got up at 6 am and ran 6-7 miles around town before even starting my work day. Lately, my morning exercise is running around the house, putting Caroline's clothes on limb by limb. She thinks it's a game and she giggles, one arm in onsie, one out, as I chase her down the hall, pants and socks in hand. After 15 minutes, I manage to get her fully dressed. Back to that treadmill. I have managed to negotiate an hour one evening a week to go to the gym and attempt to do something to the flour sack attached to my waist. This Monday, I got home at 5:30 and quickly fed the pets and changed my clothes and almost as...