Skip to main content

The Girl Who Cried Poop

Ever heard the story about the boy who cried wolf? You know the lesson then: the more we blow things out of proportion or call a false alarm, the less likely it is that others will help us when we really need it. Well, this is the story of a girl who cried poop.

Teaching a child to use the toilet is a giant undertaking and there are many approaches to making it happen. Some parents bring a few books and games into the bathroom, camp out, and play the waiting game, praying that eventually the child will feel the need to go and -voila- she'll conveniently already be sitting on the potty when the big moment arrives.

Others place plastic or towels over every surface in their house and look for signs. Is she antsily grabbing herself? Is she crouching under the table? Is she looking at you and saying, "I have to go to the potty!"

The potty training process requires lots of communication between parent and child. It also requires trust. The child must trust that the parent will indeed take her to a potty when she needs to go and the parent must trust the child to tell her when she needs to go to the potty. I promised Caroline that I would take her to the potty when she told me she had to go. I enthusiastically demonstrated to her how quickly and efficiently I would provide her with a potty. All she needed to do was say the word. To show her my devotion to the cause, when Caroline was potty training, I carried a kid-size potty seat in my diaper bag, to be placed over the dirty public toilet seat. I turned the back of the van into a bathroom, complete with wipes and a porta-potty. I made it my mission to make using the potty as convenient as possible for her and fun, too.

There were perks offered during the intense training period- stickers for an attempt and candy if she actually delivered. All of this positive reinforcement meant that Caroline realized over time that anything she did related to the potty got my attention. That and the fact that our training included going straight to cotton panties and the last thing I wanted was a wet couch, chair, rug or kid. When Care said "poop" I said,"Let's go team!"

C'mon. If your kid says, "I have to go poop" what are you going to do? Challenge her about it? Go ahead. I DARE you! Trust me, you will end up cleaning smooshed poop out of your kid's pant legs.

My hands are tied. I always have to take her word for it that she has to go to the bathroom. And boy oh, boy, it seems that this kid a) has a very tiny bladder and b) produces an insane amount of crap. Caroline pretty much has to go to the bathroom at the most inopportune times.Prior to leaving the house, I'll make her sit on the potty for a few minutes, but will she go? Nooooo. No, she will not go. Instead she will announce that she needs to go while we are driving 65 on the highway, 1 mile past the last rest stop and 25 miles until the next.

Here's a brief list of the other times that Caroline has decided she has to poop or pee:
-Taking off or landing of a flight
-waiting for the luggage to arrive to the carousel
-waiting for the school bus
-waiting for a train or subway
-after putting on a leotard and tights
-5 minutes into playing in the snow, fully decked out in snowsuit, boots, hat and mittens
-in the waiting room at the doctor's office
-a minute after getting into the hot tub
-a minute after getting into the lake or pool
-while we drive in a snowstorm
-during a hike in the woods
-during a family photo shoot
-in the middle of a meeting I've dragged her to
-right after tucking her into bed
-during a horse riding lesson

I think my very favorite time is when she tells me that she has to poop approximately 10 minutes after going pee. And when I stand for 25 minutes either outside the door (always a single bathroom where other people have to wait in line behind us) or in the corner where I'm asked to look at the wall and not at her. And then she tells me she doesn't have to go. So we leave. Then 10 minutes later she changes her mind and tells me she really does have to go.

It seems that a good 45% of our activities together involve going to the bathroom. Or not going to the bathroom but just being in the bathroom. Adding a toddler to the bathroom party has added to the fun. While Caroline ponders whether to pee or poop on the pot, Charlotte crawls on her hands and knees under the dirty public bathroom stalls, pulls the sanitary napkin holder off the wall, and most recently, sticks her hand in the toilet and sucks her sister's urine from her fingers. Tell me I'm not the only parent who has these stories, please!

I haven't even gotten started on how much time Andy spends in the bathroom. At least he doesn't ask me to come in with him and stare at the wall while he does his business.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

TomKat or AndMel?

Over the weekend I had "my hour". Sixty whole minutes at the gym including 30 on the new treadmill and the latest In Style magazine to read while I sweat it out to my itunes. I happily flipped and thumped along, checking out the latest hand bags and arm cuffs until I got to an article about Katie Holmes. I had to flip back and forth several times to admire one of my favorite Hollywood pieces of eye candy. How can she and I have children almost the same age and she can look like that and have run a marathon this year? No matter what we all tell ourselves about celebs, we still envy them or just can't help but stare at their image in a magazine and read all about how they've found themselves via religion, rehab or marriage to Tom Cruise. My favorite part of the article was Katie recalling Suri's birth story. She says something about how supportive Tom was by placing candles and picture frames around the room. That's helpful? If Andy was lighting candles during ...

Spoiler Alert!

It's no big shock that I opened my mouth and got myself in trouble earlier this week. This time it was my virtual mouth, and we all know that can be the worst. Saying something stupid, online, is like spreading a highly contagious virus. Speaking of which, with all of my recent coughing and sneezing, I've been really good at spreading a germy virus around. I teach students to be social media savvy, and gosh darn it, I did so as recent as yesterday. I provide them with some rules to protect them from looking like a virtual ass, but low and behold, I fall victim to assiness every once in a while. How am I supposed to know every single rule in life, and particularly online? I'm just a simple human being, with a big mouth, who wants to over share! So, here's what went down, if you didn't get pissy pants over my FB faux pas. I watched the mid-season finale of The Walking Dead on Sunday night. Andy was in the can and I just needed to talk about the episode. I needed t...

LAX

Some people may think that Andy and I are "lax" parents. Our house isn't a free range farm by any means, although just throwing food on the ground, and letting the kids wander around and pick it up when they are hungry, sounds pretty enticing. It's true that we aren't the strictest parents and that, regularly, there is mutiny on the bounty and we are held hostage by little pirate people. The drill sergeant in our house is 3 feet tall and belts outs commands like, "Get me a drink!", "Turn on Netflix!", or "You will not wash my hair!" while wearing only a pullup, squinting her eyes, and pointing an accusatory finger in our direction. Our kids are often in charge. I'm not going to lie to you. The dog may also be in charge from time to time. That's just the way it goes. As more and more of our peers have a third child, we are, unfortunately, asked if we, too, plan to expand. Are these people insane in the membrane? Have they been...