Spoiler Alert!

It's no big shock that I opened my mouth and got myself in trouble earlier this week. This time it was my virtual mouth, and we all know that can be the worst. Saying something stupid, online, is like spreading a highly contagious virus. Speaking of which, with all of my recent coughing and sneezing, I've been really good at spreading a germy virus around.

I teach students to be social media savvy, and gosh darn it, I did so as recent as yesterday. I provide them with some rules to protect them from looking like a virtual ass, but low and behold, I fall victim to assiness every once in a while. How am I supposed to know every single rule in life, and particularly online? I'm just a simple human being, with a big mouth, who wants to over share!

So, here's what went down, if you didn't get pissy pants over my FB faux pas. I watched the mid-season finale of The Walking Dead on Sunday night. Andy was in the can and I just needed to talk about the episode. I needed to. I had to. Who was I going to turn to? I kept trying to talk with him through the door but he had the fan on, and well, I think he was intentionally ignoring me! I turned to the next best thing to my husband and life confidant, the one I tell all my secrets to- facebook. All it took was a simple sentence. It was slightly vague-booking because I didn't reference the show. I just referenced a character. Ah, it felt good, so, so good, to just get my feelings about this character off my chest. I was then able to go to bed with a calm mind. (Still not sure how one does that after watching people be shot, stabbed, and fed to zombies.)

I woke up the next morning at 5:30 to get my zen on by doing some sun salutations in the laundry room. I figured I'd check facebook first, though, in case something super important happened between 11 and 5. Snap! Something did happen! I got some angry messages about me spoiling the mid-season finale for some Walking Dead enthusiasts who did not watch the show the night prior. I even got a sad face emoticon. Shame on me. Shame! I instantly felt my Catholic guilt creeping up around me, along with my genetically inherited rage. I did my best to breathe calmly and say my centering word repeatedly but instead my blood raced and my zen head was being infiltrated by potty words. The guilt won, of course! I said 10 Hail Mary's and removed the original post from my feed. But the damage was done. Later in the day, others confessed, that they, too, were let down by my lack of spoil alert savvy. I didn't know, people! I didn't know! I'm sorry! Forgive me!

All this business made me think about my brother and his dislike of surprises. As a child he hated parties and cried when people sang Happy Birthday to him. At Christmas, he would unwrap all of his gifts, before the big day, and re-wrap them. He'd do the same for me, even though I never said that I wanted to know ahead of time. He hunted the house looking for the secret hiding spots. Before I opened a gift, he'd shout out what it was just before my hand tore the first piece of paper off the box. He still does this. He wants my mom to take him shopping so he can hand pick his gifts. She still wraps them (one year in paper bags until we told her that was not cool, Mom, not cool.) but you can see that he has his zen face on when he opens each gift for he knows the contents, and this makes him happy. Spoiling a surprise is his sun salutation.

In the spirit of my brother, who you just have to love for being the unique individual that he is, I, too, am going to spoil some stuff for you. So, stop reading this right now if you are going to get all mad. Here goes:

At the end of Seinfeld, they all go to jail.

Chandler and Monica move to the burbs. No, I'm not going to tell you if Ross and Rachel get married. Watch the show and find out for yourself!

At the end of Lost, they are all dead.Or, were they? Who the hell really knows?

Her head is in the box at the end of Se7en.

The ship sinks in Titanic.

Harvey Milk is assassinated in Milk.

A really good speech is given in The King's Speech.

They die in Open Water. Ahh! They die! It's so friggin' sad. And scary. Don't go snorkeling. Ever.

She escapes!- in the Elizabeth Smart movie.

He gets fat, and feels disgusting, after eating at McDonald's, in Super Size Me.

The spell is broken and Beast turns back into a human. Belle can tell by looking in his eyes. She cups his chin in her hand, looks longingly into his dreamy blues and says, "It's you! Gaston dies.

Richard Gere rescues Julia Roberts by riding up to her apartment in a white limo. It's not a horse, but she seems pretty happy.

Baby finally gets that tough dance lift after all those practice rounds in the water!

Kenny dies. Again. And Again.

Don Draper cheats!

The Great Pumpkin is really Snoopy dressed up as the Red Baron.

Harry Potter does not die!

They die at the end of the Blair Witch Project. I guess, I mean, what is going on in the corner? Weird. And the booger nose shot? Gross!

Santa is not real.

Neither is the Easter Bunny.

I feel better now that I got that out of my system. You can't be mad at me because I gave you a warning! I told you I was going to spoil some stuff. I'm like a rotten egg. I know but I feel so zen now. Namaste.

P.S. Don't ever spoil any show for me or I'm going to kick your arse! I will sad face emoticon you right to confession! XOXO

Comments

Chris said…
I love it. I wasn't sure you had it in you.....and I really wasn't sure what to expect. I certainly didn't expect to hear the Andy was in the can and he couldn't hear you over the sounds coming from the bathroom. Absolute gold!!!

But what the &*%$ do mean Santa isn't real?

Charlie
Chris said…
BTW, Chris is my wife. I must be logged into Google as her. This is Charlie.

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