Skip to main content

You'll Thank Me for Not Cooking

Thanksgiving is the day of the year that reminds me how inadequate I really am. During the days leading up to the holiday, other people are rushing around making meal plans and buying groceries. I am doing whatever it is I do on any other day-which is not meal planning or grocery shopping.

Growing up, I'd watch the women of the family organize and orchestrate every holiday. They planned the meals, braved the insanity of food buying, set the table, and started prepping the food days in advance. The meal itself took less than a half an hour, of which they took part in maybe 15 minutes because they were busy adding last minute items to the table followed by clearing plates and getting coffee and dessert ready. They basically shoved their food down before concluding the day by washing and drying the dishes.

There are two reasons why I was witness to this process and not a participant. The first is because I was not invited in. My mom and grandma just wanted to get the job done. It wasn't a "teachable moment", a time to stop and enjoy the experience of making a meal. My mom cooked (and still cooks) because her family needed to eat not because it was a joyous time for her. Having a kid delaying the process was not an option. My job was always to set the table and dry silverware and well, that's still my job.

The other reason for not playing a bigger role in the holiday food experience is because I felt I should not have to do more than the guys were doing. I'm from a very stereotypical gender-role family. My grandma adamantly believed that women were to serve men. For years, I watched the men sit around the table, or the TV, while the women did the work. I quickly decided that the winners were the guys and I wanted to be in the winner's circle. I've stayed in that circle my whole life, shying away from the kitchen, and all of the mysteries involved with cooking. My connection to food is collecting recipes, enjoying photos of food, and well, eating.

And for that reason I have moved from the winner's circle to the being the Biggest Loser. I tried, sort of, when I got married and considered domesticated life. I could handle a stir fry or a salad. Yet, I like veggies and my mid-western spouse hates them. Stuffed squash or sauteed asparagus and Andy don't mesh well, just like Melissa and a good steak, or pancakes, eggs, chicken, pot roast, pizza, pasta, a crock pot meal, and any type of baked good. I have ruined even the most fail-proof recipes, almost so well that it is an art. Bad Art.

Having kids has both added pressure and furthered my status as a sucky chef. I have limited time to meal plan, shop, and pay attention in the kitchen. From raw eggs to rock hard pizza, I have left my family in the lurch many times. Thank goodness the girls love rolled up salami and cheese. I can roll meat and cheese.

Many people doubt my inadequacy, which is kind of them. It must mean that I am good at something else, giving them confidence in my abilities. Or they just can't imagine how someone can't bake chicken or scramble an egg.

It is true. I can't cook. Ask anyone who has made the sacrifice and digested something I have made. Put a camera in my kitchen, where you can witness me reading, and re-reading a recipe, measuring out ingredients, setting the timer, and serving something that looks like regurgitated dog food.

We are all born with gifts. Mine is not cooking. I have a lot of love to give, but it's not to a pot of chili or a souffle. So, on this day of thanks, I thank all of those who have fed me in the past, are feeding me today, and will continue giving me nourishment in the years to come. And you will thank me for asking Andy to make our contribution of the food for your next gathering.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

When The Team Won't Follow the Leader

I am aware that there are some critics out there who think that Andy and I are kind of loosey-goosey parents. Some think we don’t have enough rules or enough structure or discipline in our family. I’ve always felt really bad about this because, from one perspective, I can sort of see what they are talking about. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel guilty about being a shitty parent. My thoughts before passing out each night, exhausted, are about how I could’ve done a better job today and that I really hope I can do a better job the next day. Tomorrow is a new day to make rules and implement them, right? But I finally figured out what the missing link is for me and Andy and why we just can’t be the structured, rigid, disciplinarians that we “aspire“ to be. The other day I was picking up the kids. When we were driving home, my mind was racing with about 50 different things I needed to do at home and at work. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t really present in the moment with the kids even thoug...

Charlotte's Story

What can you do in seventeen minutes? Watch an episode of your favorite sitcom without commercials? Run two miles at a good clip? Eat a meal, or in Andy's case, microwave a meal and then eat it? Have a baby? Because that's what I did. You heard me right. I birthed a baby in seventeen minutes because I am a machine. I am a machine ! I am a baby birthing woman of steel. I am not much of a bragger and you may recall that I was never good and never bad at anything. I have no particular achievements to tout, academically, physically, professionally or otherwise except baby birthing. I'm really good at this and I'm pretty darn proud of it and I'd like to brag about it to you now. This is Charlotte's birth story. For the first four or five months of my pregnancy with Charlotte, most people forgot that I was even pregnant. This does happen to you with multiple pregnancies. I never forgot that I was pregnant. Morning sickness heart burn and frequent bathroom t...

The Perennial

Turning 40 is hitting me like a ton of bricks. I’m talking somebody standing at the top of the Empire State building with a wheelbarrow of bricks that they throw on top of me as I stand on the street. Every brick that catapults toward me has a different message: Your hair is getting gray. Your eyebrows are thinning. The skin on your neck and elbows is getting soft. Your hands are wrinkly. Your midsection is getting softer and rounder. You wear progressive glasses. You wake up and go to bed really early. You talk about things like vitamins and retirement. Your back hurts when you get out of bed and when you stand too long or when you sit too long. You think about taking Metamucil or Fiber One to keep you regular. You have one glass of wine and feel hung over the next day. Your kids talk about buying bras and getting their period. You should have stood up straight as a kid because now your neck and back are stuck in this awkward, turtle-like position, and it...