What type of parent are you? Take this quiz to find out. (We promise it's as fun, and as accurate, as BuzzFeed.)
It's 5:30 am on a Monday morning. You are:
a)running on the treadmill while your youngest plays with Barbies. She's talking to you, you can't hear her over the thudding but you nod and say, "Yep, uh, yep" every few minutes. This is the only time of day you have "to yourself".
b)Asleep. You were up until 3 watching a SyFy movie and checking email so you are beat.
c)Up packing lunches for the kids and writing personalized, hand-written notes to tuck into their lunch packs.
Ok. So, moving on. It's now 6:45. Where are you and what are you up to?
a)you have fed the kids and the pets, made the beds, and are now standing over your third grader saying, "Brush your teeth. Brush your teeth. Brush your teeth. Brush your teeth" while your four year old clutches to your leg.
b)in the bathroom. What am I doing in there? I'll never teeeell.
c)putting my third grader's hair into a french braid, making sure the hair ties match her outfit. Also, teaching my little one how to count to 100.
Time moves so slowly in the morning. It's 7:14. Are you still out there?
a) Mother F*&^%%r! I hate my life! My kid is tantrumming and refuses to put her boots on because her socks don't feel right in her boots. The bus just pulled up. Shiiiiiiiiii-it.
b)it's like a time warp in this bathroom.
c)It's a lovely day in the neighborhood, isn't it? We sing songs as we wait for the bus. I sure hope the bus driver likes the hot chocolate I made for him this morning.
What is your life like, M-F, 9-5?
a) Well, some days I go to my job, where I'm likely to realize at 2:45 that I forgot to write a note about where my kids are going after school so I'll have to leave the meeting I'm running to make a ton of phone calls to find the kids and get them home. Other days, I'm home with the kids and those days I hide from them and they panic looking for me.
b)Hmm, can we extend that schedule to S-S from 8am-3am? those are my normal working hours.
c)I'm bringing home the bacon, volunteering, hopping in to help the kids' teachers with projects, writing Christmas cards, and attending every after school function and getting an A+ on every work evaluation. BAM!
Alrighty folks. It's 6:10pm. Give it to us.
a)I'm serving my kids a microwave meal with my coat still on. I did manage to get my bra off and threw it under the dining room table.
b)I'm in the car, finished a business call. I then sneak in and go directly to....you guessed it...the bathroom. I come out after the plates are cleared.
c) candle mood lighting:check! best dinner plates and silver: check! scrumptious meal for my family: check! my undivided attention: check!
I promise, this day is almost over! It's 7:15. What are you doing?<p>
a)I'm sopping up water from the Splash Kingdom bath the kids just took while simultaneously texting my gal pals about our next moms' night out. Is that a turd in the tub?
b)Nature calls! So does my fantasy football lineup.
c)I'm snuggling with the kids and sharing with them a story I wrote and illustrated, all about them and our wonderful lives!
Just a few more! Almost done. Ok- here goes. Your kid is running on the playground and falls down. She comes crying to you like a wild animal. You:
a)Yell at her, first, for running. Then you kiss her hand, hug her, and tell her to go play.
b)Your kid fell today at the playground? Wait, tell me about it after I go to the bathroom.
c) cradle her gingerly in your arms while you apply antibiotic ointment and a bandaid that you always keep handy in your purse first aid kit.
Your kid told you a kid on the bus called her a chicken. Your response?
a)Tell her it could be worse. Suddenly have a flash back to when the kids on the bus called you Greasy Haired Big Nose. Shudder. Hug child.
b) From the bathroom door, shout to her and ask if she called the kid a name back. Miss the response as you flush.P>
c)Tell her that sticks and stones will break her bones but names will never hurt her. Then, implement an amazing anti-bullying program through the PTA.
Last one. Who do you love most in this world?
c) my kids
Ok! Now is the time! Tally up your answers.
If you got mostly A's: You are a Melissa Parent. You are on the ball, in life, 65% of the time. You skate by so nobody really notices that you are barely holding it together except that time at the PTA pancake breakfast when the baby peed on the floor and the other kid rolled around and screamed about hating the maple syrup and yes, you cried right there in the school gym. Your kids always come first but you struggle to figure out where you fit on the priority list. You do your best to "enjoy it because they grow so fast" but some days you just want a glass of wine and a lifetime pass to the loony bin. Your motto is "I'm doing the best I can."
If you got mostly B's: You are an Andy Parent. You've got the kid/work life balance thing down as long as your spouse doesn't catch on to you. You're a leader in the office and you're not shy about toting a kid to work and you certainly don't bat an eye lash if she pukes on the floor while you draft that important email to the boss. Plus, you have mastered the art of parenting while in your happy place, aka, the bathroom. (Who says guys can't multi-task?)Your motto is, "I do the best I can, from the can."
If you got mostly C's:
You don't exist! You are a figment of a parent's imagination. You come to them and haunt them in their dreams.
Let's be real! Hopefully, you couldn't answer any of these questions! Hopefully you were looking for a category D, which would more appropriately apply to you. Hopefully you enjoyed this little quiz. Now, get out there and be the best parent you can be, wherever you may be-in the bathroom or elsewhere!