Breaking News from Your Reputable News Source
Breaking News! Folks around this Upstate Village have reported numerous sightings, in recent days, of a man helping citizens (allegedly) in need. This man, unknown in identity, is tall, handsome, appears quite snuggly, and drives a small, black hatchback. This mystery man is leaving a memorable mark on our little town and has being fondly referred to as our new superhero, Micromanage-Man.
"I was loading my dishwasher yesterday," Sally Stay-At-Home Mom told this reporter, "And, suddenly a guy walked into my kithen and started re-arranging all of the dirty dishes in my dishwasher. He didn't look me in the eye, but he was sure I heard him say that the plates must be arranged in such a way or else the water won't get on them and they'll come out with food on them." When asked if he introduced himself, she said, "No, he never even told me his name. When he marched out the door, he said to me, "Never put the plastic on the bottom again or it's going to melt.
Mr. Almost Retired From his Day Job, Sometimes Apartment Manager shared this story with us, "I was trying to take measuremets for a new carpet in my apartment building and as I was writing down the length from the staircase to the bathroom, a gentleman stormed into the room. He pulled the measuring tape away from me and said I was an embarrassment of an engineer and last time I did this, the carpet was delivered two inches too short." When this reporter asked Mr. Almost Retired Sad Excuse for An Engineer what the man looked like, he stated the man was wearing a blue button down from Jos. A Banks, wrinkled khakis and cuff links. He was carrying an iphone. Maybe he has a glass eye but Mr.Almost Retired wasn't totally sure.
Little Girl on a Scooter had this to share, "I was having a good time scootering with my friend, Susie, and a man pulled up to the curb. He said I'd move along better if I pushed off 3-4 times instead of the two times I had been pushing. The Little Girl and Susie scootered away, making sure to push off 3-4 times, as advised.
Mr. and Mrs. Newlywed Couple received support from our mysterious hero last Sunday when they were debating over where to position their recently purchased Pottery Barn rug. "I told John I wanted the rug exaclty in the middle of the room and John said the rug should be up against the wall. Thank heavens Micromanage-Man came when he did. He said the rug should go slighlty to the left and should be underneath the couch leg to prevent the rug from moving too much." reported Mrs. Newlywed. Then she blushed. "Thank you Mr. Micromanage-Man! And, don't you think he looks a little like Ben Affleck?
Folks of our litte Upstate Village. Have no fear. Whether you are choosing the best bra to wear under your shirt, you can't figure out the right way to plant your garden, you need a little help determining which curtains to buy or you just don't know which cycle to choose on the new washer, Micromanage-Man will be there. All you need to do is have confidence in your abilities and before you know it, he'll be at your door! Your ability to tackle problems big and small are no match for our micromanaging superhero.