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New Book Draft- Your Help Needed!

Andy has never been known for his ability to empathize with others, particularly women. While he is a fairly educated man, he missed the course on "Understanding the Sensitive Female." My ability to digest Andy's remarks, even after many, many insulting comments in reaction to something I have told him, has not gotten any easier. Like a wounded puppy, I often get quiet when he responds, but lately I've been taking another tactic. Being the control freak that I am, I offer Andy an alternative statement as a suggestion for what he should have said to me.

I've started writing a book, "The Book of Common Courteous Comments in Response to a Woman's Statements." I'll talk to my editor about shortening that title. In the meantime, I hope you'll take a few minutes from your busy holiday baking, shopping and cookie-face-stuffing to review my draft. Send edits and feedback to: mystupidhusband@gmail.com!

Scenario One
Woman: I feel fat today. Do I look fat?
Man: Well now that you mention it, your ass does look fat. Why don't you go work out? But you can't go on Sunday because I'm watching the football game.
CCS suggested response: No, honey, you look wonderful, but if it makes you feel better inside, why don't you take the afternoon off, go to the gym and spa and I'll watch the kids. I'll have a light, non-fried meal ready to eat when you get home.

Scenario Two
Woman: Sally and John, your baby is so cute. Isn't she cute honey?
Man: Yeah, if you think looking like Chucky is cute.
CCS suggested response: Why yes, the baby looks just like a little doll!

Scenario Three
Woman: It's going to snow tomorrow. I'm worried about driving.
Man: Yeah, no kidding. You crack up that car and that's the end of you driving.
CCS suggested response: Don't worry. If you'd like, I'll leave work early and drive you home.

Scenario Four
Woman: Kim and Larry said dinner was delicious! What did you think, dear?
Man: I think they were just being nice.
CCS suggested response: Well, it's no surprise. You always make the best food.

Scenario Five
Woman: I'm concerned your conference attendance is going to conflict with the birth of our baby.
Man: Why don't you just schedule a c-section for the day before the conference?
CCS suggested response: I can miss the conference. What matters is that I'm there for you and our baby.

Scenario Six
Woman: With the current economic climate I worry that I'll lose my job.
Man: If you do, you can work as a nail tech or have another baby. What we should worry about is if I lose my job. What will I do?
CCS suggested response: You are such a valuable asset to your organization. They'd be crazy to let you go. But if they do, you have some great skills and will easily get another job.

Scenario Seven
Woman: My great aunt just died today. Isn't this so sad?
Man: I only met her once. What did she look like? Was she the one with the walker or the wheel chair?
CCS suggested response: (Hugs woman) It's hard when we lose a loved one. She had a good life and she knows you loved her. I'll go to her funeral with you.

And, Final Scenario
Woman: Dear, I feel like your mom doesn't like me. Is it just in my head?
Man: No. She likes my old girlfriend better. You'll just have to get used to it.
CCS suggested response: Are you kidding? She's crazy about you! You are the daughter she never had!

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