Skip to main content

New Book Draft- Your Help Needed!

Andy has never been known for his ability to empathize with others, particularly women. While he is a fairly educated man, he missed the course on "Understanding the Sensitive Female." My ability to digest Andy's remarks, even after many, many insulting comments in reaction to something I have told him, has not gotten any easier. Like a wounded puppy, I often get quiet when he responds, but lately I've been taking another tactic. Being the control freak that I am, I offer Andy an alternative statement as a suggestion for what he should have said to me.

I've started writing a book, "The Book of Common Courteous Comments in Response to a Woman's Statements." I'll talk to my editor about shortening that title. In the meantime, I hope you'll take a few minutes from your busy holiday baking, shopping and cookie-face-stuffing to review my draft. Send edits and feedback to: mystupidhusband@gmail.com!

Scenario One
Woman: I feel fat today. Do I look fat?
Man: Well now that you mention it, your ass does look fat. Why don't you go work out? But you can't go on Sunday because I'm watching the football game.
CCS suggested response: No, honey, you look wonderful, but if it makes you feel better inside, why don't you take the afternoon off, go to the gym and spa and I'll watch the kids. I'll have a light, non-fried meal ready to eat when you get home.

Scenario Two
Woman: Sally and John, your baby is so cute. Isn't she cute honey?
Man: Yeah, if you think looking like Chucky is cute.
CCS suggested response: Why yes, the baby looks just like a little doll!

Scenario Three
Woman: It's going to snow tomorrow. I'm worried about driving.
Man: Yeah, no kidding. You crack up that car and that's the end of you driving.
CCS suggested response: Don't worry. If you'd like, I'll leave work early and drive you home.

Scenario Four
Woman: Kim and Larry said dinner was delicious! What did you think, dear?
Man: I think they were just being nice.
CCS suggested response: Well, it's no surprise. You always make the best food.

Scenario Five
Woman: I'm concerned your conference attendance is going to conflict with the birth of our baby.
Man: Why don't you just schedule a c-section for the day before the conference?
CCS suggested response: I can miss the conference. What matters is that I'm there for you and our baby.

Scenario Six
Woman: With the current economic climate I worry that I'll lose my job.
Man: If you do, you can work as a nail tech or have another baby. What we should worry about is if I lose my job. What will I do?
CCS suggested response: You are such a valuable asset to your organization. They'd be crazy to let you go. But if they do, you have some great skills and will easily get another job.

Scenario Seven
Woman: My great aunt just died today. Isn't this so sad?
Man: I only met her once. What did she look like? Was she the one with the walker or the wheel chair?
CCS suggested response: (Hugs woman) It's hard when we lose a loved one. She had a good life and she knows you loved her. I'll go to her funeral with you.

And, Final Scenario
Woman: Dear, I feel like your mom doesn't like me. Is it just in my head?
Man: No. She likes my old girlfriend better. You'll just have to get used to it.
CCS suggested response: Are you kidding? She's crazy about you! You are the daughter she never had!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Me V. Parental Judgement

When you are pregnant, there’s so much to think about when considering the future: what color to paint the nursery, what decorating scheme to select from Pottery Barn, whether to go with disposable or reusable diapers, what to name your little nugget, and even deciding to use a cake or a box of balloons for the gender reveal party. You quickly learn that, if you share any of these decisions with anyone, you are bound to get opinions- lots of them. And, while this isn’t the first time we get solicited or unsolicited advice (where to go to college, what to choose as a major, what profession to pursue, who to date, who to marry, what dress to wear to the wedding, who to invite to the wedding, what type of alcohol to serve at the wedding..) the birth of a child seems like the first time that SO MANY opinions are given. It’s already a time of anxiety and unknowns that the opinions of others can easily feel overwhelming.What, I should have gotten the rocker that swings from side to side ins…

It's Complicated. It Doesn't Have To Be.

I was preparing dinner the other night. I still had my coat on and I was balancing a cat dish in one hand and a frozen pot pie in the other when Charlotte came into the kitchen. She had been in her room changing into her pj's. She pranced into the kitchen wearing only her favoritest undies- with the words SUNDAY emblazoned on the rump. She called out my name and I distractedly and tiredly looked in her direction, making eye contact. "Mom," she asked me, grabbing the soft, doughy skin above her waistband, "am I fat?" I dropped to my mental knees. I barely knew what night it was, I actually couldn't have told you in that moment what town Andy was working in on that particular evening, and all I wanted to do was take my bra off and her question stopped me in my tracks. I looked at her again, really taking in her body. Her beautiful, perfect body. I have loved her body during every stage of growth- from a chubby baby legs and round bottom to the freckle on her…

The Bubble Thought

Earlier this week, my sister-in-law posted one of her drawings on Facebook. The drawing depicted an image of a mother hugging her child before the child gets on the bus for the first day of the school year. As the mother hugs her child, there’s a thought bubble above her with an image of a gun. To accompany the drawing, my sister-in-law shared that this was her thought, which popped into her mind as her own child departed for school to begin a new academic year. I have no doubt that her post will be shared time again by parents around this country as we all send our children off to school to be educated. In addition to the normal fear that a parent has for their school-age school, like their academic achievement, development of meaningful friendships, and overall happiness and health, now parents have to worry about their safety while in school. We presently live in a climate where schools are hiring guardians who are retired police officers and members of the military whose sole purp…