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It's Fine

I tell it like I see it. It is a trait I inherited from my mother. When I was an insecure pre-teen with Sally Jesse Rafael glasses and a retainer, I asked my mom the question every little girl asks her parents. "Mommy, am I pretty?"

I don't quite remember the setting for the question but I'll paint a picture for you. Moe was probably in the bath tub. She'd have the curtain closed to keep the heat in and I'd be talking to her from the other side, as though I was at confession. I'm sure she had her eyes closed. She probably took a long draw from her cigarette before giving me her blunt and honest opinion. "Well, " she said, "you're not ugly." There you have it, my mom, always making sure I didn't become too vain. She purposely never called me Princess or Baby or any other prissy term of endearment. My nicknames were directly related to my name and my position in the family. I was either Missy or Sis.

As a kid this always made me mad. Not even my own mom thought I was pretty. I was the ugly duckling. I could have used some positive reinforcement not to mention Teen Invisaligns and contact lenses. As I grew older I appreciated my mom's tactic as I realized that you don't find confidence from the words of others. Confidence must come from within. While I wasn't the prettiest, smartest, funniest or most athletic, I was pretty good at most things I did, had plenty of friends and even a few boyfriends. Being so-so, not pretty or not ugly made me enjoy life more. I never had to worry too much about what was riding on my exceptional performance. I never had to watch my weight for that modeling contract or run an extra mile for that athletic scholarship.

I carry my pride in being mediocre into marital life. While my vows didn't include, "I promise to be alright at being your partner and to be ok at loving you" I think Andy and I have settled nicely into being a so so couple. We don't have the best marriage by any means and we certainly don't have the worst one either.

Like my mom, Andy also tells it like it is and leaves the sugar to the sweet tooths. After getting my hair cut last week I asked him what he thought and he replied, "It looks fine." I let him know that for nine years he has been getting his hair cut and for nine years it has always been the same, just shorter, and for nine years I have always told him that his hair looks nice.

I also wrote a post to this blog last week and after hearing a few comments about it, Andy decided to have a look for himself. It was a highly emotional post for me and I shed a few tears on the computer over it. He told me he read it and I stupidly asked his opinion. You can guess his answer. "It was fine."

Fine! That was my heart on my sleeve! These posts are the best I can give you. These words are who I am who. And that's what I get, fine? Well, he could have said it was awful.

To sum it up, if you were to ask me how my marriage is I'd have to use Andy's own words. It's fine. We aren't the model of the perfect marriage but I don't need that to have a good life. We're not looking for marital accolades and awards. We just want to be happy and we are happy and that's just fine with me.

Comments

Melissa - you are beautiful (you always have been) and you have a beautiful family and I love reading your blog!

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