Skip to main content

It Takes a Village

They say it takes a village to raise a child. Well, I'm certain that it is taking a village to raise me. On the eve of Mother's Day, I'd like to reflect on the many people who have mothered (or parented)me over the last 3 decades. Many blogs, including my most recent, sing the praises of my Moe, my numero uno. Second in command is, of course, Andy, who took the baton from my mom 10 years ago. Then, there are all the oher people over the course of time, from my grandmother, my many aunts, uncles, and cousins, my childhood friends' parents, my old boss (he always said he was a big brother but we called him Dad anyway), my college friends, in particular Smitty, who has watched out for me for a long time, and all of my current mom friends who support me daily.

There are a few friends in particular, who ironically don't have kids of their own yet, who have done the most extensive parenting of me: Sara D and Teresa. Teresa, my oldest friend in Cooperstown, has fed me, cheered me up and on, given me honest advice, helped me cook a decent meal, cleaned my house, cared for my children,and stood by side while I birthed one of them. When I am with Teresa, I get that same feeling as when I'm with my mom or Andy; she just makes me feel at ease and at home.

Then there's Sara D. My kids think she is a family member. They ask if she has the same last name as we do. When we get home at the end of the day, they look around for her and call out her name if they don't see her. She's a little bit sister to me, a little bit spouse (she is around so much when Andy travels that Caroline assumes she is his substitute), and a little bit mom. From helping me make dinner, bathing the kids, or changing the smoke alarm, when in need, I call Sara D.

The last two people I'd like to mention are Andy's parents, Deborah and Karl. Sadly for them, they didn't plan on getting another kid when Andy chose me as his partner, but there I was. I was rough around the edges, with a loud mouth and an attitude, but they accepted me anyway. How can I not love Andy's parents? He is a perfect combination of the two of them. Like his mom, Andy is strong willed, passionate, loyal, and anal retentive. (I mean that in the most loving way!) He's a good businessman, has a soft interior under his hard exterior, and a kind, loving manner with our girls, as does his dad. He is smart, helpful, caring and hard working- just like both of them.

I have come to rely on Deborah and Karl for advice of all kinds, from caring for the kids, navigating marriage, inter-personal relationships, and career and financial guidance. Last year, they were able to spend a lot of time visiting us and have not been able to do this this year. Their presence is greatly missed. On a bad day with Andy, the kind of day when I imagine throwing his clothes, chachkis, and his ass, out of the house, I think, "Ah, but I'd miss his parents too much!" I thank them deeply for taking me in, and considering me part of their family.

So, happy Mother's Day to all of you- thank YOU friends and family of past, present and future, for taking care of me and for putting up with me! I love you all dearly.


Popular posts from this blog

Me V. Parental Judgement

When you are pregnant, there’s so much to think about when considering the future: what color to paint the nursery, what decorating scheme to select from Pottery Barn, whether to go with disposable or reusable diapers, what to name your little nugget, and even deciding to use a cake or a box of balloons for the gender reveal party. You quickly learn that, if you share any of these decisions with anyone, you are bound to get opinions- lots of them. And, while this isn’t the first time we get solicited or unsolicited advice (where to go to college, what to choose as a major, what profession to pursue, who to date, who to marry, what dress to wear to the wedding, who to invite to the wedding, what type of alcohol to serve at the wedding..) the birth of a child seems like the first time that SO MANY opinions are given. It’s already a time of anxiety and unknowns that the opinions of others can easily feel overwhelming.What, I should have gotten the rocker that swings from side to side ins…

It's Complicated. It Doesn't Have To Be.

I was preparing dinner the other night. I still had my coat on and I was balancing a cat dish in one hand and a frozen pot pie in the other when Charlotte came into the kitchen. She had been in her room changing into her pj's. She pranced into the kitchen wearing only her favoritest undies- with the words SUNDAY emblazoned on the rump. She called out my name and I distractedly and tiredly looked in her direction, making eye contact. "Mom," she asked me, grabbing the soft, doughy skin above her waistband, "am I fat?" I dropped to my mental knees. I barely knew what night it was, I actually couldn't have told you in that moment what town Andy was working in on that particular evening, and all I wanted to do was take my bra off and her question stopped me in my tracks. I looked at her again, really taking in her body. Her beautiful, perfect body. I have loved her body during every stage of growth- from a chubby baby legs and round bottom to the freckle on her…

The Bubble Thought

Earlier this week, my sister-in-law posted one of her drawings on Facebook. The drawing depicted an image of a mother hugging her child before the child gets on the bus for the first day of the school year. As the mother hugs her child, there’s a thought bubble above her with an image of a gun. To accompany the drawing, my sister-in-law shared that this was her thought, which popped into her mind as her own child departed for school to begin a new academic year. I have no doubt that her post will be shared time again by parents around this country as we all send our children off to school to be educated. In addition to the normal fear that a parent has for their school-age school, like their academic achievement, development of meaningful friendships, and overall happiness and health, now parents have to worry about their safety while in school. We presently live in a climate where schools are hiring guardians who are retired police officers and members of the military whose sole purp…