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Optimistic People All Have One Thing In Common: Punctual People Hate Them

Andy recently sent me an article ( that people who are optimistic have one thing in common- they are all late. The article, written by someone who is always late, expresses sympathy for tardy people, and states that tardiness is hard wired in one's brain. That's right. People who are late have no choice. They were born this way. The downside is that society harshly criticizes these delayed folks, especially American society, a group of people who are particularly hard on the late arrivals. The author writes, "When people are late, it’s assumed they feel their time is more important or valuable. Americans believe time is money and money is time."

Despite the challenges late people have to face in this world full of judgmental jerks, there is good news, the author writes. "Chronically late people aren't hopeless, they're hopeful." These happy-go-lucky multi-taskers think they can have their cake and eat it too, and do the dishes, and read an article, and stop for a coffee- in 10 minutes. The article suggests that everyone, Americans in particular, because Europeans (who must all, ironically, have been born hard wired to be late because none of it has to do with culture and values) need to chill out. Euros have awesome lives. They're always late! Venture down to South America. Sail on over to Spain. All the peeps there are late. Hey- you're 3 hours late! That's cool. Grab some tapas and vino, my friend. Time is relative! Live in the moment and by moment, I mean your moment. My moment was 3 f@#*ing hours ago. What's that mi amigo? Don't sweat the small stuff you say?

It's all small stuff. Which is why I would like to tell you about a study I recently conducted which counters our above quoted optimistic and tardy author. My study argues that people who live with people who are always unpunctual have one thing in common- they are always super pissed that their loved one is late. As a matter of fact, they are down right unhappy, belligerent, raging and negative about living with someone who lives in the moment, multi-tasks without respect to others' time, and goes with the flow. I'll provide you with a case study to give you an example. I live with Andy. He is always late. He can be said to be laid back and easy going, in certain situations, like in the morning, before school and work. I agree. While he is texting, checking Coke Reward points, and hanging in the can for 30 minutes, he does seem more laid back than me. It's probably because I got up an hour before him, got the kids up, got them dressed, got their school stuff ready, and got them out to the bus. Every day. If I lived with someone who didn't pay attention to any of the small stuff around me, I too would be as cool as a clam, as laid back as Russian President Vladamir Putin on his way to meet that angry German Chancellor.

When getting ready for a trip, Andy, the ever hopeful late guy, realizes that life was not meant to be planned down to every detail. Who needs to know what time the flight leaves, what airline, and whether or not we packed diapers. It's not a big deal if we miss the flight because Andy was checking his fantasy team instead of packing and then had to pack while the rest of us sat in the car. Sure, it's true that missing the flight and buying tickets for another flight will cost us money. Because, to the late optimist, time is not money. Oh, but money is money. And that's what we wasted because of your late ass.

Living in the present in essential to our happiness, this damn author wrote. I do live in the moment. And the moment, and then the next moment, and the next, and next, and next, and next, and next, and next while waiting for Andy to come home from work, or from running an errand, or trying to leave the house, or go to an event. Stop and smell the roses, says Mr. I Wrote an Article About Being Late To Make Myself Feel Better. I did. I smelled the roses for 45 minutes in the parking lot of Home Depot while waiting for Andy, who was meeting me to pick out bathroom tile, but he got hung up, "achieving his personal success." I'm so aware of the things going on around me. I observe them regularly while I wait for Andy to continuously get his sh*t together.

So, in closing. I agree that people who are always late are happier and likely to live longer lives than those of us caught up in little details like being on time and respecting the time of others' around us and living in an empty void. To all you poor, poor people who can't be on time ever, ever ever, when you are feeling sad and blue, just remember this from the article, "Your lateness is simply a consequence of your psychology and personality — nothing more, nothing less." And when your friend, loved one, or child, who is on time and pays attention to detail because she was born that way, has flames coming from her ears and is screaming at you, just remember this: her punctuality is simply a consequence of her psychology and personality- nothing more, nothing less. Her bitchiness, however- well, that's because of you.


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