A Mom's Life

Mine. Ownership and possession are both powerful concepts in childhood development. I can't actually remember when Caroline started declaring objects to be of her possession but lately she spends much of her time informing me about which items in our house are hers. It's not just naming her surroundings: dolly, kitty, blankie . It's announcing personal possession over them. My dolly. My kitty. My blankie . This idea of ownership is already deeply rooted in her personality. She says "mine" with a sense of pride and with passion. Caroline clearly associates people, places and things with herself as well as her ability to care for, play with, don affection upon or just hoard them all in her stroller. With this deep rooted sense of possession comes jealousy and paranoia. The cats are not to be trusted. When we cuddle in the morning and one of the cats jumps on the bed to greet us, Caroline quickly grabs her lovey and holds it close to her face. ...

Andy has never been known for his ability to empathize with others, particularly women. While he is a fairly educated man, he missed the course on "Understanding the Sensitive Female." My ability to digest Andy's remarks, even after many, many insulting comments in reaction to something I have told him, has not gotten any easier. Like a wounded puppy, I often get quiet when he responds, but lately I've been taking another tactic. Being the control freak that I am, I offer Andy an alternative statement as a suggestion for what he should have said to me. I've started writing a book, "The Book of Common Courteous Comments in Response to a Woman's Statements." I'll talk to my editor about shortening that title. In the meantime, I hope you'll take a few minutes from your busy holiday baking, shopping and cookie-face-stuffing to review my draft. Send edits and feedback to: mystupidhusband@gmail.com ! Scenario One Woman: I feel fat today. D...

Maybe you've heard this one before. When I was in fifth grade a friend invited me to go on vacation with her family, but not during a school break. My parents permitted me to miss a week of school and we had a blast, a trip I'll never forget. Maybe more because of what happened after the trip. When I returned to school the following week, my world was turned upside down. My teacher had decided to rearrange our desk grouping configuration and I found myself seated next to three different students than I was seated with before the trip. Now, mind you, there were only 12 or so kids in my whole class (grades 5 & 6 combined) and it wasn't like I didn't know my three new desk buddies. It was that something had happened out of my control. After a sour morning dealing with the change and scowling through math and story time, I was determined to get back my old buddies. I stayed behind at recess to talk to the teacher. Do you ever have a taste or smell memory? This one is mi...

It's easier to prepare for a trip when you know if you are a "P" or a "J". Jungian Personality Typology, created by Carl Jung, was first published in 1921. Personality theorists have developed numerous self-assessments helping people understand their preferences and perceptions. I took the most popular version of this assessment, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, when I was in graduate school and it scarred me. All I remember was being told I was an extrovert. At that time, it felt like a scarlet letter, like wearing a big E on my chest to let everyone know I was really a big M (mouth). I couldn't even remember the other three letters that made up my type or what they stood for. Now that I work in career development I've researched the theory more in depth and better understand how MBTI can be used to help people understand themselves and understand others. Knowing your preferences isn't a way out of a situation. It's really a way to under...

Do you remember what it is like to be two? When your main concern is how to get the tennis ball from under the chair or get mommy or daddy to pick up the fork you dropped for the nth time. I don't really remember much from my early childhood but what I do remember is my memories, not those of my parents'. As is human nature, I suppose, I remember things that happened to me and how I felt. I rarely remember emotions and occurrences of the rest of my family, unless of course, I caused it or it affected me. For most of my childhood I can say that my parents protected me so much from their concerns that I thought they never had a care in the world other than making me happy. Normally, Caroline is the center of my universe and there is rarely an event that trumps my interest in all things toddler. Her first pee pee and ca ca in the potty was as, if not more, important in our house as Obama's election. Hurricanes could be blowing down the house, aliens could be landing their sp...

Today my friend Lisa told me that she and her boyfriend are " un -fighting." At first read you may think this is a good thing and that Lisa just hasn't quite mastered grammatical constructions of the English language. You may think un -fighting is the opposite of fighting which would be not fighting. You've thought wrong. Un -fighting is a special skill, mostly exhibited in men. It is a defense mechanism not all that far from the Men are from the Mars/Women are from Venus concept of going into one's cave. Let me provide you with an example, drawing of course, from my own life. I'm reading a book about the marriage contract and the importance of renegotiating the relationship during certain points of life, like the birth of a child or loss of a job. I think the book is fabulous and wanted to share its thesis and finer points with Andy. To start, there was a dialogue of sorts: "Andy, do you remember last week when I told you that if eight years ago I could...

New York is not New England. It wants to be one of the quaint little neighbors to it's north/southeast. But it's not. Maybe, on the surface, it feels and looks a little like one of my favorite states which,"played a prominent role in the movement to abolish slavery in the United States, hosted the first pieces of American literature and philosophy, was home to the beginnings of free public education, and was the first region of the United States to be transformed by the North American Industrial Revolution." (Oh, how I love thee, Wikipedia) Nope, New York. You did not provide the backdrop of inspiration for some of our beloved poets like Emily Dickinson and Robert Frost or house those who fought for free public education. You can't claim that you have the rock that the Pilgrims landed on or boast recent championship teams in professional football, baseball and basketball. Yes, you have old stone walls and historic buildings like New England. You do have go...